Childhood: Lost and Found

by Tina Anderson


I remember, from times gone by
A world so magnificent So full of wonder I could hardly contain

I would stare out at the sun and say
"Mother, mother, it shines brightly
Amber in the sky!"
I would stare out at the moon and say
"Father, father, it shines gently
Silver in the sky!"
I would stare out at the stars and say
"Mother, father, they shine coolly
Jewels in the sky!"

In my dreams, I'd laugh
Dance among the clouds with angels
Watching sunsets with my muse
Put on the stars as a necklace
And talk gleefully with the birds

Light was my joy
I played in the sun
Happy and joyful and evermore alive

Darkness was my comfort
I reveled in the night
Sleeping and smiling and evermore alive

Then the bleakness caught my mind
From one day to another, I was left behind
Talking of amber in the sky brought scorn
Talking of silver in the sky brought snorts
Talking of jewels in the sky brought sighs
The admonishing words:
"Don't be foolish, girl
You are no longer a child,
But a being on the verge of adulthood
Leave childhood behind
Forget your kiddy dreams
Grow up, girl!
Leave childhood behind!"

I was obedient
I was good
I knew not these strangers
With whom my parents had left me
These... "teachers"
They were to tutor me on life
This was life?
Leaving dreams and childhood behind?
Forgetting my muses and angels?
My amber and silver and jewels?
This was life?!

"Leave soft songs of gold behind
Come to the world of numbers
Of tales that relate to you
That bring you to reality
Come back to earth, girl!"

I came to earth
I couldn't claim to come "back"
I don't believe I'd ever been there before
But I came to earth
Obedient
Good
I was absorbed in stories
Relating to what I should be
Absorbed in numbers
That should have fascinated me

Days went by
Months went by
Years went by
My life went by
I was obedient
I was good
I was sad beyond belief

Then, one day
As I precariously bordered the brink of womanhood
I was told
By an angel in teacher's guise
"Write for me, children grown up
Write for me a poem
Tell me your fantasies
The high-flying, swift parts of your soul
Write for me!"

Write for me...
My... soul?
I had... a soul?

My fingers rested lightly upon the paper
My pen rested lightly upon my fingers
I closed my eyes, searching for this
This
This elusive soul

Sweet laughter filled my ears
Harps of all religions' heavens sounded
Birds tittered
Amber, silver and jewels shone
And my muse touched cooling hands upon my brow
He kissed my cheek softly in welcome
He wiped away my tears
He embraced me
"Little girl, little child
Mistress of this world
Welcome home at last..."